Unmasking the lie behind “I’m Fine”
“I’m fine.” Have you ever spoken those words when someone asks if you’re okay just as a shortcut to end the conversation so you don’t have to talk about your feelings? As humans, we love to wear a mask to protect ourselves, and one way we do this is by hiding how we feel. In this generation, the phrase “I’m fine” often means “Something is wrong but I’m choosing to ignore it.” This isn’t healthy because we are lying to ourselves and others, denying our feelings and avoiding vulnerability.
“Adolescence is a period of immense physical and emotional vulnerability,” an article on BrainstormProductions.edu said. “For most of us, vulnerability has negative connotations—we see it as a weakness and something we should try to avoid. On the other hand, vulnerability is necessary for meaningful human connection. It is the foundation upon which healthy relationships are built.”
Vulnerability is defined as dropping defenses and sharing your true feelings, needs or fears. I’ve always thought of crying and vulnerability as signs of weakness. The world makes us think that we should hide our emotions from others, but does keeping them to ourselves make the pain go away?
“I think crying is definitely seen as a weakness, and in the world we live in, our appearance is everything—not just what we physically look like, but also how we carry ourselves and how we act,” sophomore Natalie Nelson said. “We live in a world filled with pride and trying to make yourself look as perfect as possible. The vulnerability of crying shows that we’re not perfect, we do have flaws [and] we do struggle with things, which many people don’t want to admit.”
Sophomore Sophie Windham said that crying releases mood-booster chemicals that can help relieve stress and help your mood. According to MedicalNewsToday.com, “Crying releases oxytocin and endorphins, which may help relieve both physical and emotional pain, enhance mood and promote relaxation,” which means that crying physically helps us calm down and makes us feel better.
“When you cry you show emotion and you show your heart, which many people want to hide,” Nelson said.
Crying can also be a signal that part of you is feeling deeply about something. It can be a sign that something is wrong, and in that case, being vulnerable with others is vital. Vulnerability can actually help your relationship with others grow because you are intentionally letting down your walls for people to see the weakest parts of you, despite the possible consequences. As humans, we naturally have a fear of rejection because rejection comes with a lot of hurt and loneliness. When we are vulnerable, we are letting our protective barriers fall in order to open up to others, and there is a bigger chance people can hurt you when you are vulnerable because of that. Is being vulnerable with others worth the risk of possibly being rejected?
“Opening up is a huge presentation of trust because it allows you to share what you experience or what you believe,” Nelson said. “I think it’s especially hard for teenagers because we are very insecure, and we’re still learning about ourselves and who we are so it’s hard to open up knowing there’s a risk of being judged, shamed or hurt.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” God calls us to help carry each other’s burdens so that we can be good friends and be a reflection of God’s love. This can mean listening to them as they share something personal about their life, and when you let someone be open with you, you help lift part of that weight off of their shoulders. Vulnerability encourages honesty in a relationship and will help strengthen it.
“As challenging as it may be, the best way to handle difficult feelings, including sadness and grief, is to embrace them,” an article on Harvard Health said. “It is important to allow yourself to cry if you feel like it… Many people associate crying during grief with depression, when it can actually be a sign of healing.”
Imagine there’s a river, and a dam is in part of it. Every time it rains, the water builds up higher until suddenly, it breaks through the dam because of all the pressure. That’s what happens when we hide our emotions. The more we keep in, the more the pressure builds. Vulnerability is actually helpful because it slowly releases this pressure so that it never backs up. Being open with people is hard, but sometimes taking that leap ends up helping you. If being vulnerable makes you feel worse, maybe the problem is the people you’re telling. Find people who lift you up, make you feel comforted about your troubles and lead you closer to Christ.
No matter what, God is always a safe place you can go to. John 11:35 NIV says, “Jesus wept.” Even the Son of God allowed Himself to be vulnerable when he felt something very deeply.
“[Our identity] isn’t in whether we look weak or strong—it’s in [God], and who He says we are,” Nelson said. “We are weak, but He is strong. When we’re vulnerable with God we show our reliance on Him, and we remember Who carries us through the hard times. When we’re vulnerable to Him, He can help us and give us strength. But knowing we need that strength is half the battle.”
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